maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
