turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
