I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
