Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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