hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
