You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
So here I am, sexting at work.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
