It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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