Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
