I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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