ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
