I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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