I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize