Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
