I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize