I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
We need to get me chipped asap
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
