I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
