if only i could text you this smell
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize