The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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