Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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