just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
