WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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