Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
