Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
