Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
