I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I think im going to throw up on grandma
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
