Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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