Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize