we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
