When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Barsexuality is the new black.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Randomize
