I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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