i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
