Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
