How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
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