Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
