Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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