I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
now i know why i became what i already was.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
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