I can text with my tongue
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
