You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
