So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
