he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
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