I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
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