i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
