Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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