It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
