I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize