you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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