You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Randomize
