You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
