he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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