No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Randomize
