Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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