hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I just found puke in my bra..
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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