So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize