New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
