I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
You are a booty call, not a friend.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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