I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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