So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
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