living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Sober January is a disaster.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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