We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
