Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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