I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
