God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize
