I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
