AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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