She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Randomize
