his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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