My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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