miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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