We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
