i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
