She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
