So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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