I must be too annoying 4 u.
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
