How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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