Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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