Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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