i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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