R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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