i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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