it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
