god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
You smell like stripper and shame
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
