All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
