i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
