I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
