once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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