wanna go halves on a baby?
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
