hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I checked into jail on foursquare
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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