they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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