I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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