Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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