Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Randomize
