the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Houston, we have a blender
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
