your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
