You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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