did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
