I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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