My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
