yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
We need to get me chipped asap
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
