I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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