I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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